Adjudicator cracks countless cow quips in car versus calves case

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In a pun-filled decision out of Cape Breton, an adjudicator has decided the owner of two wayward calves struck by a car must pay up.

“Chattel met cattle. The parties bring their ensuing beef to the court,” Raffi A. Balmanoukian, the adjudicator, said in a decision released Friday.

Shawna Vivian Bennett took Dr. Mary Doyle to small claims court in Sydney after her son struck two of the doctor’s young Highland cattle on Sept. 15, 2023, on his way home from a fishing trip.

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Bennett testified Doyle “was negligent in allowing her livestock to escape onto a public roadway. Her son steered (his mom’s) car into at least one (the defendant says two) of them; he fought the fauna and the fauna won, but it/they paid the ultimate sacrifice in doing so.”

The 2014 Hyundai Sonata GL was a “write-off,” according to the decision.

“The claimant’s car is cooked,” said the adjudicator.

“She claims its value so she can replace it and will no longer have to hoof it to her destination. The defendant stakes her defence on having taken reasonable precautions, and says that she has lost two valuable calves.”

Doyle made a counterclaim for the value of her calves.

“The result is the horns of a dilemma that the court must resolve, following a hearing in which all witnesses were duly grilled. And therein lies the rub,” Balmanoukian said.

The adjudicator packed his written decision, dated Jan. 17, with punny flavour.

“While I have the distinct impression that both parties tried to milk the situation, I have found that both bear responsibility for the event and must compensate the other for the proportionate share of the associated loss,” he said. “The final result will come out of the net payor’s hide.”

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The beefy references just kept on coming.

“I will add in a virtual medium, rarely are the courtesies extended by self-represented litigants as well-done as in this hearing,” Balmanoukian said.

“I am grateful that each kept their animal instincts in check in being polite to each other and to the court. Each let the other speak without running herd on the other. The carvery of justice is more effectively served as a result.”

The car’s owner claimed the wrecked Hyundai was worth between $7,800 and $10,295, plus tax.

Doyle tendered evidence that it was only worth $4,450 and the trade-in value was $2,934.

“Dr. Doyle claims each of her calves was worth $1,200,” said the adjudicator. “While there was a dispute as to whether one or two paid the ultimate price in this encounter, no serious dispute was made as to the price per head. Dr. Doyle’s evidence was that these are bespoke bovines, and valued accordingly. I accept this as the value of the veal.”

Josh Bennett, who was driving, “claimed that his collision with a cow (singular) was unavoidable.”

He testified that, after the crash, one of Doyle’s neighbours “remarked that the fences ‘had not been kept up.’”

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The driver “denied seeing any cattle warning signs, or that he had prior knowledge of wandering cattle. He had no direct evidence of fence disrepair.”

Carson Buchanan, who showed up at the accident scene that day, “testified that the dead cow was in the ditch, and that he helped remove road debris. He encountered two females coming from the direction of the farm, as well as an ATV whose driver did not stop except to remark that ‘firing up the barbeque’ was in order.”

Jacqueline MacIsaac, the cow owner’s daughter, told the court it was “getting dark when they heard ‘what sounded like an explosion.’ Upon attending at the accident scene, she saw debris for ‘about 100 metres’ and the demolished vehicle.”

The adjudicator found the Hyundai’s driver was “driving hell bent for leather,” and did not heed warning signs.

“One calf was found on the night of the accident; the other was found the next day,” said the adjudicator. “Both appear to have been vehicular fatalities.”

Brian Ingraham, Doyle’s farm hand, testified “that fence maintenance is a ‘constant job’ and that although he fixes fence problems ASAP and doing so is a priority item, ‘100 per cent protection is not possible.’ The fence in question is two-strand with an electric strand on top.”

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Doyle testified there are several warning signs on the road.

“She admitted that she suffers from Houdini-cattle,” said the adjudicator.

“The essence of her evidence is that she does her best, including culling animals … who are prone to go walkabout.”

After doing the cattle and car calculations, the adjudicator concluded Bennett was 60 per cent responsible for the crash, with Doyle accountable for the remainder.

He ruled the cow’s owner must pay the car’s owner $2,169.60.

“Although I have interpolated this decision with gentle ribbing, I assure the parties that I have taken their matters most seriously,” Balmanoukian said.

He was going for “readability without straying into iconoclasm, and while maintaining fealty to the law. I hope that in the course of rendering this decision, I have done so, without roasting or skewering any sensitivities.”

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