What you call “being at the whim of other people,” Miss Manners prefers to call “sharing.” It is not always convenient for everyone, but that does not make it rude.
You, and two other one-loaders, might equally well have arrived simultaneously and found yourself drawing straws because the three-load neighbor — who could have done all three loads at once and been out two hours earlier — instead prolonged the process.
Dear Miss Manners: In my experience, people are sometimes accused of not having a sense of humor when they don’t happen to find something funny — or even find it rude.
My brother, for example, likes to play pointless jokes on cashiers and restaurant staff. He might watch a cashier scan and bag all of his items, then pretend that he forgot his wallet, so the cashier offers to temporarily hold the items behind the counter. This is inconsiderate, not to mention embarrassing, when there are other people waiting in line.
He is disappointed when the cashier doesn’t find this hilarious, and thinks such people have “no sense of humor.”
It is Miss Manners’ experience, as well, that accusations that someone lacks a sense of humor are made disproportionately by those without one. Humor, however, has been around a long time, and can afford to laugh off such slander — more easily, she suspects, than the people victimized in its name.
Dear Miss Manners: My husband and I disagree on the appropriate protocol when attending a neighborhood social event not specifically described as a potluck.
He takes great pride in his culinary creations and insists upon taking a dish to supplement whatever the host is serving. I have issued gentle reminders that his efforts, while well-meaning, may not complement the menu the host painstakingly curated for the event.
On the rare occasions he asks in advance, the host usually says he or she has the matter covered, but my husband still insists on arriving dish-in-hand. I feel this places the host in an awkward position, not to mention the other attendees. He says I have an overactive sense of propriety.
Technically, you and your husband do not disagree on what is proper — he simply does not care. This is not a defensible position, as he will realize when you, at Miss Manners’ urging, point out that he is actually insulting your hosts — even more so when he flatly ignores the answer to a question he asked.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
