But during the last few years, he has changed: He doesn’t like my girlfriends, who he says are after my money. And at the last birthday party they held for me, he said not to touch his wife! He said, “Keep your hands off her! Don’t ever touch her again!” She was cooking meals for 10 people, lifting heavy pots, etc., so I gave her a 30-second shoulder rub. But I’ve known her for 45 years! What is going on?
Well … It sounds to Miss Manners that your friend would like you not to touch his wife. The wife may well have some thoughts about it herself.
As for the bigger problem, it seems your friend has started feeling threatened by you, for reasons either real or imagined. (Curiously, and in contrast, he also feels protective regarding your money and girlfriends.) An apology about the shoulder rub (which, innocently intended or not, was an overstep) will present an opportunity to find out what is going on and if there is anything (else) you inadvertently did to anger him.
Otherwise, it is possible that you have become a target for his own problems. As you are not in a position to diagnose them, Miss Manners suggests you keep some distance while he figures this out — distance from both your friend and, it seems, his wife.
Dear Miss Manners: I take senior ladies who are unable to drive to appointments and shopping. Occasionally, they want to treat me to lunch with them.
We always pray over the meal. The problem is that they want to hold hands during the prayer, but they have just been wiping their noses. I don’t feel comfortable touching their hands, then using my hands to pick up my food. They get upset with me if I fold my hands in my lap instead. How should I handle this?
Pray that you remembered to bring hand sanitizer.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
