How can I politely ask others to refrain from flushing or using the hand dryer while I’m on the phone?
What did you have in mind? “Please stop going about your business while I’m trying to conduct my business?”
Miss Manners suggests instead that you get yourself some boundaries — and go apologize to all of the poor women you annoyed.
Dear Miss Manners: A while ago, we had a dinner party for about 10 people at our place. One of the couples announced that they had to leave early, and that they expected to be served sooner than the other guests.
They have done this a few other times, too, claiming that they go to bed early. This couple has a tendency to come to dinner parties at our place and then rush us. They rarely hang around much to socialize. It’s like they are interested in the food, but not in the company.
I ended up heating their food early and, as good hosts, my husband and I sat with this couple at the table until they finished their meal and left. I wanted to tell my husband that he should go spend time with the other guests while I was tied up with this couple, but did not get a private moment to tell him so. Consequently, for about 45 minutes to an hour, we had to leave the other guests on their own. We do want to keep having this couple over, but dread this happening again.
What is a polite way to make it clear to this couple that we don’t like to be rushed, and that serving them earlier than everyone else is very inconvenient and inconsiderate?
Make an earlier start time? A revised guest list? Perhaps Miss Manners is missing something, since these solutions seem obvious.
Who are they, that you felt you had to neglect your other guests to entertain them? If there is a reason to put up with their demands, you could issue a gentle reprimand, saying, “We’d love to have you over to meet the Pistlethwaits, but last time you left before we could all sit down together. What would be a good starting time for you, so that you are home in time for bed, but we all dine together?”
And then make it 30 minutes earlier than that, just in case.
New Miss Manners columns are posted Monday through Saturday on washingtonpost.com/advice. You can send questions to Miss Manners at her website, missmanners.com. You can also follow her @RealMissManners.
