“Becoming foster parents seemed like something we should do,” Thomas said, explaining they learned there were 368,000 children nationwide awaiting adoption in foster homes.
Hoping to welcome in a foster child, he and PJ took foster care classes in 2019 and became licensed to care for children in need. Soon, as they were child proofing their home, they received an unexpected text.
Instead of taking in one child, would they be interested in three?
And could they take them the following day? Siblings aged 4, 2 1/2 and 18 months were in need of a home.
“We looked at each other and wondered, ‘Can we do this?’” Thomas said.
They discussed their options.
“We talked about it and decided we could be open to whatever came our way,’” said PJ, 38. “These kids needed a place to live, and they needed to be together.”
With help from a local adoption and foster care charity, the couple scrambled that night to gather car seats, clothing and toys, and they put together a crib for the toddler.
The children arrived on their doorstep the next day with nothing except the clothes on their backs, Thomas recalled.
“They’d come from a chaotic home where there was drug use,” he said. “Due to neglect, they were a little delayed, and all three kids were in diapers.”
He said he had never changed a diaper before, but he learned quickly, and he and PJ soon settled into a routine of bath time, story time and setting five places at the table.
On Aug. 31, 2021, the couple officially adopted the kids: Allan, now 9, Riah, 7, and Anna, 6.
This year on July 11, the McKays posted an emotional video on their Instagram page in celebration of the first day they met their children five years ago.
“Five years ago today, our children came to live with us in our first foster care placement,” they said in the video. “We gave them welcome gifts and showed them around the house [and] we introduced them to the pets and walked them upstairs to show them their new bedrooms that were filled with new clothes and toys.”
“We all took a walk to the park, and we were completely smitten with these three children we didn’t even know before today,” the McKays continued on the video, saying that for the first time, they made dinner for people other than themselves that night.
They ended with images of the siblings happily sleeping in their new beds.
PJ and Thomas said they were stunned when the post received more than 760,000 likes and 15,000 comments from strangers inspired by their journey to become parents.
“In a week when the world feels bleak, this was a beautiful spirit-lifter. You have a beautiful family,” one person wrote.
“I’m literally weeping! There are still good people out there and LOVE will always win,” another follower commented.
“Congrats on your beautiful family! I’m also adopted by a gay couple,” a third person wrote. “My moms would be happy to see so many gay couples having the opportunity they’ve always deserved.”
The McKays were overwhelmed with gratitude.
“Family takes all shapes and sizes — that’s what we wanted to drive home,” Thomas said. “When we were each growing up, we’d always thought it would be reassuring to see a family like ours.”
He and PJ were both born and raised in Cleveland, which has a population of about 48,000. They met through friends 15 years ago and started dating in 2010.
Even before they married five years later, they’d had long conversations about raising a family of their own, Thomas said.
“We’re super close with our own families, so it was always something we pictured ourselves doing together,” he said. “We were picking out kids’ names two weeks into dating.”
The couple renovated the house Thomas grew up in, hoping that one day it would be filled with happy chaos, said PJ, who works with Thomas as a home renovator and social media influencer.
When their family size tripled overnight, they decided to start a blog about their experience and document their parenthood adventures on Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, where they now have about 1.3 million followers combined. Topics have included how to cut a daughter’s long hair, the perfect kids’ pajamas and celebrating the last day of school.
They also posted about the emotional experience of not having the kids for three months when biological relatives decided they wanted custody of the children several weeks after they’d been placed in foster care.
“We were devastated,” Thomas said. “A week later, we emailed them and offered to be babysitters for the kids if they ever needed someone to watch them, and pretty soon, they were with us half the time.”
The relatives — a grandmother and aunt — eventually decided the kids would be better off living with the McKays, he said.
“We were so happy to be a family again,” PJ said. “That was a really hard time.”
Last Mother’s Day, he and Thomas shared how Riah’s first-grade teacher helped him to create inclusive cards, substituting the word “mom” with “dad,” and making sure each father got one.
“She and the other teachers always find ways to include our kids,” PJ said. “We love our school community and we’re really thankful for their love and acceptance.”
After five years with their two dads, Allan, Riah and Anna are now thriving, Thomas said.
Allan loves to climb trees and read books about sharks, while Riah enjoys helping out around the house and getting the trash ready on garbage day, he said.
Anna, the only girl in the house, is quick and smart, and as the youngest, she tries to get away with everything, PJ said.
“It’s crazy what a little structure and routine will do,” Thomas said. “Before they came here, they were used to sleeping all day, staying up all night and eating whatever they wanted. They were craving a schedule and rhythm.”
That schedule now includes a 7:30 p.m. bedtime, he said.
“Going to sleep is never an issue — everyone is exhausted at the end of the day,” he said. “But we’ve never been so happy.”
“I can’t imagine now what our lives would be like without our kids,” PJ said. “I’m living the dream I had for years, and it’s way better than I ever imagined it would be.”
